Fear as a Call to Grow

If you've followed me on Facebook or Instagram, you've probably seen my more recent Intention Candles, one of which was for The Morrigan. I'd toyed with the idea before, and would find reasons why I couldn't complete this project that keep popping up in my head. All sorts of excuses, any reason to tuck it back down; all the reasons why my ingredients or ritual ideas weren't 'enough' for her. 

As a naturally impulsive person, I had to wonder at my own subconscious. Why couldn't I just do it? What was stopping me from pulling the trigger on a creation that nagged at me every cycle of the moon? I had to examine myself pretty closely, and I realized that I was afraid. This was puzzling to me. I was trying to pinpoint exactly what I was afraid of- was it the Goddess herself? Perhaps. Was it the severity of the kind of ritual work done with her? Also a possibility. Was I feeling like my offerings to her were not enticing enough to properly invoke her help? Yes to all. And there was my lesson.

The fear I was holding was showing me the area of my mind, and my spiritual journey, that needed my attention. My entire life I've had trouble setting boundaries with others, and with myself. I am impulsive, ridiculously optimistic, and for a long I was very naive. I do not enjoy confrontation, and I rarely celebrate my victories over others, preferring to be a good sport. I rarely go after people to demand they face justice, I'm not vengeful, and thought I've obviously met with Death in my life, I've been lucky in that I've had no very close family or friends who have passed. 

All of this is EXACTLY why I was in desperate need of The Morrigan. Swift, decisive, exacting, unforgiving, righteous; all of these things she is, I am not. But she whispers, "Perhaps you should be." And I am inclined to listen. Since I was a child, I have a reoccurring dream that I am furiously, outrageously angry. I yell and rage and fume, but I am completely silent. No one can hear me, and no one reacts. I wake up frustrated, and normally feeling guilty that I was so angry. Perhaps the real message this dream is trying to get across is that because I feel guilty and afraid of the anger I express in this dream, I have some healing and work that needs to be done in this area. Some music to face.

The Morrigan is a frequently vilified member of Celtic mythology who is associated with War, Birth, Death, Battles, Prophecy, and Sovereignty. She is fierce and strong, and is frequently called upon for those who wish to set powerful boundaries and no longer wish to be a victim. She can appear however she pleases, and doesn't shy away from appearing as a sexual, beautiful young woman, or an old bent crone. She was a goddess who knew what she wanted, and set things in motion to get them. 

Her core aspects are sovereignty and queenship, and having completed two rounds of the Queen program with Joanna Devoe ( http://www.joannadevoe.com ) this is something I've been actively working on. I hate being labeled a Bitch, and actively did every thing I could to keep from being labeled as such, even to my own detriment. Its a pretty strong message to step up and embrace my fierce womanhood. She is a goddess who fully embraces the necessity of the dark and the light coinciding with each other, and within each of us. 

The bit of work that I have done with her has been absolutely profound, and so I take it slow. She shows me that I am really afraid of being too intense, to fierce, to angry for those around and so I temper my emotions to a much more tame level. Though I've made a lot of progress, I still struggle with setting firm boundaries to support myself, but I feel the fire and the energy of the desire to enhance this. I will continue to work with her on this, and I feel like my journey with her is only just beginning. 

Maybe you have been hesitant to work with her as well. Maybe you aren't keen on having your flaws so sharply reflected back at you. Maybe you don't want that much energy in your spiritual work. I completely understand. When you are ready, she will whisk you away at break neck speed, but the exhilaration on the way down and the solidness of fully understanding those aspects of your self, light and dark, is a feeling that can't be matched. What you fear is a calling you to grow, to handle that area of your life differently. Fear demands your attention, demands to be recognized and understood before it can fade out. What are you afraid of?