Radical Self Love, and Healing the Wound

As part of my practice, every day I pull a few cards. Some days I mix decks, some days I pull multiple from the same. Today my pull was very direct. Its the kind of message you can't misinterpret. They are calling upon me to practice RADICAL self love. The kind that sweeps you off your feet and takes your breath away. The kind that makes your eyes starry and your cheeks flushed. The most difficult kind to practice within yourself. 

My weight has been on my mind lately, and my unhappiness with my physical appearance. Its been a long road towards self confidence for me on a personal level. I have always struggled with my self image, and for the longest time I absolutely hated myself. I don't use that term lightly. I despised myself on a deep, uncomfortable level. This manifested itself in unhealthy ways in my youth; drugs, self-harm, dangerous behavior, suicide attempts, etc. 

For the past 10 years I have been working extremely hard to heal this part of myself. Some years I progressed further than others. I'm at a point in my life now where I have a working contentment, bordering on fondness for myself. Some days I may even call it love, but its still an uncomfortable subject for me. Its been put in an extreme perspective for me over the last few years with my children. 

I have two girls, and they are both coming of an age where these things concern them. I am watching my oldest daughter journey through her own body image issues, and it hurts my heart. I am most definitely guilty of expressing my unhappiness with my body in front of them. I am guilty of passing on that wound to them, and I'm sure my mother is guilty of passing it on to me. I love my children. I would never want to see them hurt by others, or by themselves. It would break me. 

But I know that I have passed this on to them. They will struggle with this now, probably similarly to the way I did for years. Unfortunately, I can't change that. As I worked on healing the child within myself, I may have created some doubt in their eyes about their own worthiness or love-ability. All I can do now is show them what it looks like to try to heal this. I can acknowledge their pain, and support them through their own self realizations, and try to protect them from others who are also suffering from low self esteem who may try to dim their light. 

I can work on healing the mother wounds from my generation, and generations back. I know this will be necessary soon because I feel uncomfortable even thinking about it. Where there is uncomfortable, there requires a healing. Its just like when a doctor pokes and prods you to figure out what needs fixing inside. 

The harder thing will be putting all of this into practice on a more public level. I'm not just healing me for me anymore, I'm healing me for me and them, and even you. A good teacher is someone who becomes a catalyst for your own SELF healing. I've had so many wonderful teachers in my time, and I would love to help others in this thing that I struggle with by the minute, hour, and day. 

How can we, especially as women, ensure we don't pass these fears and struggles onto our daughters? They will have enough on their plates as they try to navigate their way in a world where the #metoo movement is so prevalent. How can we create and environment where they can feel comfortable loving themselves, and treating themselves like a good friend? Can we raise children who are empathetic to themselves? By practicing radical self love. 

What are some easy ways to work on practicing RADICAL self love? Radical means relating to or affecting the fundamental nature of something; far-reaching or thorough. 
Imagine a far reaching, into every nook and cranny, all encompassing love for yourself. Can you picture it? Can you feel it? If you can't, you probably have some healing to do too. If so, Ive compiled a small list of some things you can try that may help you on your journey.

1. Be grateful, and practice gratitude. Even if you can't feel it all the way yet, even just the act of saying thank you for something out loud is a good place to start.

2. Shadow Work. This is tough, and the work is ongoing, but it is so rewarding! Digging deep through your own shadows to begin to heal is imperative. You can't heal what you don't acknowledge. 

3. Music. Singing, dance parties, whatever! Music soothes the savage beast, and it can soothe you as well. 

4. Find what brings you joy, and do it. Do the shit out of it. I don't care what it is (unless its heroin, don't do heroin) but as long as it doesn't hurt you or someone else- do it!

5. Look at what you are seeking from those around you and give it to yourself. I can't emphasize this enough. Its easier than it sounds! Shadow work helps with this. 

6. Go for a walk, eat a wholesome meal, sit in the sunshine by some water. A lot can be said with soaking in the sunshine and nature. Get your fingers in the dirt! 

7. De-clutter, feng shui, re-organize! There is no better way to show yourself love, and feel it reciprocated than to release some of the energy that builds up when things are stagnant. This goes for body and surroundings.

8. Self Massage or Body Oiling. I'm relatively new to this, but boy does it work. It relaxes the nervous system and its great for the skin. There are some awesome links to information about this below. 

Obviously this is not a complete list. Its something I add to every day for myself. I use Tarot and Oracle cards to help get me in the mindset to listen to myself and to love myself, and I know that its an achievable goal. It has to be! For myself, my children, my mother, my partner, and for my friends and clients. I still offer tarot and oracle readings through email for no up-front charge, only optional donation. If you would like a reading, please feel free to email me so I can schedule you in. 

Below are some great resources I've used myself on my journey, and ones I continue to use. These ladies are gold!

http://www.joannadevoe.com
Joanna has so many amazing programs that I've utilized that were so crucial to my healing journey. Her podcast is free and super helpful if you can't afford the programs. 

www.kelly-annmaddox.com
Kelly-ann is an amazing teacher, blogger, you-tuber, and tarot reading. I use her readings regularly when I need some outside perspective, and her blog and you tube videos are free and full of juicy tidbits to really get deep.

https://mythicmedicine.love
Amber is an amazing herbalist who was the first resource I had for body oiling and massage. She has an amazing website, blog, shop, and now a podcast. She is soothing and personable, and full of amazing information.